My poem, “Silence.” can be found in Issue 02 of The Pre-Med Gazette: an online literary magazine with a focus on bringing awareness to overlooked health conditions. It is available for free through Ko-fi, but please consider including a donation with your order to help support the growing magazine. You can get your copy of Issue 02: Inner Turmoil here, or find all issues on their website.

When I found open submissions for a magazine issue themed on inner turmoil, I knew that I wanted to write about something I had personally experienced so that I could really put my heart into it. It was pretty easy for me to choose. While my December was filled with magazine submissions and acceptances, family gatherings, and Christmas festivities, I was also quietly dealing with health issues that made many of my daily tasks significantly harder than they used to be. Though I had people in my life who were more than willing to take care of me, I had to make the choice to let them in on what I was going through before that could happen.

For many people with illnesses that are chronic or invisible, hiding symptoms can become a daily habit for a variety of different reasons. “Silence.” explores one of those reasons: many of us have found some false sense of personal value in how much we can silently endure. How many hours we can go without medication, how many days we can tell everyone that we’re doing fine, how many months we can go without a trip to the doctor. It can easily turn into a personal competition to see how far we can starve ourselves of the help we need. Even aside from the long list of effects that neglect can inflict on our physical bodies, this kind of isolation can damage our minds as well.

I don’t think I need to spell out all of the negative impacts that this can have on our lives, because we’d recognize it if it was happening to someone else. If anyone came to us with the same challenges we’re facing, we would surely help them. If we found out they’d been hiding these challenges from us, we would surely reassure them that we prefer their honesty – even if that means more work for us. We would not downplay their hardships the way we do with our own.

There is not a single person who is better off alone. There are specific places where our worth can be found, and isolation is not one of them. If my poem “Silence.” was relatable to you, consider finding someone to reach out to. It might be hard, but here’s the facts:

Going through physical illness is hard.

Going through mental illness is hard.

Going through invisible illnesses is hard.

Going through long-term illnesses is hard.

Finding treatment is hard.

Being in pain is hard.

Being exhausted is hard.

Doing it alone is harder.