Every writer I know makes jokes about how the FBI agent who stalks them is looking in horror at their search history. I’m not terribly concerned about mine. I am of the firm belief that the agent assigned to me will see my dictionary history, and go “Oh, this poor writer…” because on some days I’ve used the word lamp enough times that I’m not sure if it’s real anymore or if I’ve made it up. He’ll shake his head, let out a disappointed sigh, and move on to bigger problems, like the seven year old looking up how to make mustard gas out of kitchen cleaners.

I do hope that I amuse my agent with my writerly endeavors from time to time. Maybe every once in a while, he calls his FBI friends over to his desk and says “Hey, you’ll never guess what writer girl looked up this time.” They’ll all gather around his desk, and share a laugh over the dumb or strange things I search for. “She really had to look that up?” one will say with a chuckle. “I can’t wait to find out what that chapter is about,” another adds.

But I can’t leave all the fun to them. This clownery deserves go beyond the realm of the government, and who better to share it with than the five people who actively read my blog posts? So without farther adieu, I give you my recent search history…

“how long should a blog post be”

“origin of cornbread”

“Cassandra myth”

“not my first rodeo synonyms”

“limits lyrics bad omens”

“tiktok won’t allow link in bio”

“2000s emo aesthetic”

“thallium poisoning”

“summary vs synopsis”

“skeptical body language”

“rooms on the uss enterprise”

“word for burned to death”

“capital punishment in japan”

“tor publishing”

“fancy desk”

“existential crisis”

“butterfly room chattanooga”

“english to portuguese”

“cheese healing skyrim”

“dream theater longest song”

“mattock vs pickaxe”

“flirty body language male”

“antipode finder”

“great minds think alike full quote”

“past tense of smite”

“harry potter house traits”

“denver airport conspiracy”

I suppose that in my next blog post, I will will have to find a way to convince you that I’m not absolutely insane.